The other day, I posed a question asking folks over 40 about their biggest barriers to hitting their goals.

And a number of people gave a similar answer:

"Me." "Me, myself, and I." "I am my biggest barrier."

I get it. You’ve been around the block. You’ve seen things. You’ve done things. And you’ve messed up a lot of things. But let’s take a second here. If you really believe you’re the reason you’re not where you want to be, then you’re also the reason you CAN get there. You are your own best solution.

The Extreme Ownership Paradox

Extreme ownership is a great concept—until it turns into extreme self-blame. Yes, you’re responsible for your successes and failures. But if you’re too busy kicking yourself over what you haven’t done, you’ll never get around to celebrating what you have done. And what kind of way is that to live?

It’s like constantly replaying that one time you called your third-grade teacher “Mom.” Embarrassing? Sure. But does it mean you should never speak again?

Listen, mistakes happen. That’s called life. But beating yourself up about them? That’s just bad coaching. You wouldn’t tell your best friend, “Hey, remember that thing you messed up in 1997? Let’s relive that horror story every day.” So why do it to yourself?

Mistakes Are Data, Not Defeats

Neil deGrasse Tyson was asked what advice he’d give his younger self. His response? Nothing. Nada. Zip. Because mistakes are part of the process. If you’re not making mistakes, you’re not growing.

There's no time I would go back and say, "Do this differently." Experiencing mistakes has been devalued in our culture. They want people to make the right decisions at all times. Well, there's a saying in research science: If you're not making mistakes, then you're not on the frontier of discovery. I'm the sum of the correct decisions I've made and the incorrect decisions I've made; each one of those shapes the wisdom that I carry today.

Imagine an athlete who never missed a shot, never dropped a pass, never struck out. That person doesn’t exist. And if they did, they’d be insufferable at dinner parties. Mistakes mean you’re in the game, and being in the game is the only way you win.

Rewiring the Mental Loop

Most of us have an inner critic that makes Gordon Ramsay look like a kindergarten teacher. That voice is quick to remind us of every failed diet, every abandoned workout plan, every time we said, “I’ll start on Monday.”

But here’s the truth: You are not your past failures. Your track record isn’t a life sentence; it’s just a record of attempts. And just like in baseball, you can strike out a thousand times and still make the Hall of Fame if you get enough hits.

So let’s change the game. Take out a piece of paper. Right now. I’ll wait.

The 5-Trait Challenge

Write down five positive traits about yourself. Anything.

Maybe you’re creative. Maybe you’re funny. Maybe you’re the reigning pickleball champion in your neighborhood, even though you had no idea what pickleball was two years ago. Maybe you’re resilient—you’ve fallen down, but you always get back up. Maybe you’re a great friend, a loving parent, or the person people call when they need honest advice.

Got your five? Good. Because until you can recognize the good in yourself, you’ll keep focusing on the bad. And that’s no way to move forward.

Flip the Script

If you’re ready to stop being your biggest barrier and start being your biggest asset, here are three actionable steps to get started:

1. Replace Self-Blame with Self-Coaching

Would you ever tell your kid, “Wow, you really stink at this whole walking thing. Maybe just give up”? No! You’d cheer them on. “Come on, you got this! One more step!”

Apply that same energy to yourself. Next time you catch yourself in negative self-talk, stop. Reframe it. Instead of “I always mess this up,” try “I’m still figuring this out.” Small shift, huge impact.

2. Audit Your Environment

Are the people around you lifting you up or dragging you down? If every conversation with your buddy turns into a gripe session about how life peaked in high school, maybe it’s time to find new conversations. Surround yourself with people who see possibilities, not just problems.

And for the love of all things primal, stop following people on social media who make you feel like garbage. If your feed is a constant reminder of what you don’t have, aren’t doing, or should be, clean it up. Follow people who inspire you, educate you, and remind you that progress is the goal, not perfection.

3. Stack Small Wins

The fastest way to build confidence? Win. Not big, not flashy, just small, consistent wins.

• Did you drink water before coffee today? Win.

• Did you go for a walk instead of doom-scrolling in bed? Win.

• Did you lift something heavy today? Double win.

Each small win builds momentum. And momentum is what carries you forward when motivation inevitably fades.

Own Your Life, But Be Kind to Yourself

You are your biggest problem and your best solution. But you can’t play both roles at the same time. If you spend all your energy beating yourself up for the past, you’ll have none left to create the future.

So make today the day you flip the switch. Let go of the self-sabotage, stack some wins, and remind yourself that you are capable. And if you ever forget, just remember: If Neil deGrasse Tyson doesn’t regret his mistakes, why should you?

Now go make something happen.

How to Show Up for Yourself

Let’s talk about something real today. Something that can change your life if you actually do it. You need to start showing up for yourself the way you show up for your friends, your kids, your grandkids—heck, even your dog. Because let’s be honest, some of you are out here making sure Baxter gets his organic grain-free, free-range, hand-massaged turkey bites while you’re wolfing down a sleeve of Oreos at midnight. You see the problem?

If you want to take care of others, you’ve got to take care of yourself first. It’s the most unselfish thing you can do.

The Scoreboard Never Lies

One of the biggest mistakes I see people make is flying blind when it comes to their health. They “go to the gym” for years, but they don’t track anything. Not their food, not their workouts, not their sleep. And then they step on the scale one day and act surprised, like the thing is rigged. It’s not rigged, buddy—you just haven’t been keeping score!

Here’s the deal: Progress starts with the truth. If you don’t know your numbers—calories, macronutrients, training frequency, sleep quality—how are you supposed to improve?

Imagine running a business without knowing your revenue, expenses, or profits. Would you expect that business to thrive? No chance. So why would your health be any different?

The Power of Tracking

I tell my clients all the time: Keeping the scoreboard tells you what needs to be fixed. And that is a very empowering thing to know.

So, let’s break it down:

1. Calories Matter, But Quality Matters More

   • You don’t need to be a slave to calorie counting, but you do need awareness. If you’re pounding down 4,000 calories of processed junk every day and wondering why you don’t have abs, it’s not exactly a mystery.

   • Prioritize whole, nutrient-dense foods—grass-fed meats, wild-caught fish, healthy fats, and colorful veggies. If your plate looks like a kid’s lunchable, we’ve got work to do.

2. Macronutrients: The Big Three

   • Protein: Build muscle, stay full longer, burn more calories at rest. Aim for at least 0.8g per pound of body weight. If you’re getting less protein than a side salad, bump it up.

   • Fats: Not the enemy. Your brain runs on fat, your hormones depend on it, and if you cut it too low, you’ll feel like a zombie. Just stick to the good stuff—avocados, nuts, olive oil, grass-fed butter.

   • Carbs: If you’re sedentary, you don’t need that many. If you’re active, use them strategically. If you’re inhaling bagels like it’s your job, reconsider.

3. Training: Do More Than Just “Go to the Gym”

   • Show me your workout log. What’s that? You don’t have one? Well, that’s like playing darts blindfolded.

   • Strength training at least 3x a week, move every day, sprint once in a while. Lift heavy things, carry them, put them back down. That’s your playbook.

4. Sleep: The Ultimate Performance Enhancer

   • You can chug all the coffee you want, but if you’re only getting 5 hours of sleep, you’re walking around like a sleep-deprived raccoon.

   • Aim for 7-9 hours. Make your bedroom a sleep sanctuary—cold, dark, and quiet. No blue light, no doom-scrolling.

Why You Need a Coach

One of the greatest days of my life was when I hired my coach.

He showed me how to organize my day, prioritize the essentials, and say “no” to distractions. I stopped wasting time on nonsense and started making progress faster than I ever could alone.

And let’s be real—asking your buddy for “advice” on training and nutrition is nice, but is he actually qualified? Your neighbor Bob, who swears by his all-pizza diet, is probably not the guy to take health tips from.

A professional coach—someone with decades of experience—will help you win the long game. They’ll teach you the numbers you need to track, guide you past roadblocks, and hold you accountable.

Why waste years on trial and error when you could get results now?

The Bottom Line

If you want to be happy, strong, and in control of your health, you have to show up for yourself. That means:

• Knowing your numbers

• Eating real food

• Training with purpose

• Prioritizing sleep

• Getting professional guidance

Stop waiting for motivation to strike. Take action. Invest in yourself. Because the best version of you is just on the other side of commitment.

Now go out there and make it happen.

What’s In Your Cup? 

You ever been bumped while holding a cup of coffee? What happens? The coffee goes flying—scalding your hand, staining your shirt, and turning your relaxing morning into a crime scene. But here’s the thing—it wasn’t the bump that determined what spilled out. If you had green tea in that cup, you’d be wearing green tea. If you had bone broth (which, by the way, would be an elite beverage choice), you’d be covered in collagen-rich goodness.

The same rule applies to life.

When you get knocked around—and you will get knocked around—what spills out of you is exactly what you’ve been pouring into yourself. And in challenging times, what’s inside of you matters more than ever.

So, what’s in your cup? Anger? Anxiety? Processed garbage disguised as food? Or are you filling yourself with strength, resilience, and the kind of fuel that turns setbacks into comebacks?

Let’s talk about how to fill your cup with the good stuff so when life knocks you over, you spill grace, strength, and maybe a little primal wisdom.

1. Fuel Your Cup: What You Eat and Drink Becomes You

I don’t mean metaphorically. I mean literally. Every cell in your body is made from the food you eat. You chug soda and scarf down fast food like it’s your last meal, you’re basically constructing your body out of low-grade, artificially flavored, soybean-oil-soaked building blocks. You want to be resilient? You better start with quality materials.

• Ditch the junk. If it comes in a box, has a mascot, or claims to be “heart-healthy” because some marketing exec decided it, put it down and walk away.
• Prioritize protein. Wild-caught salmon, grass-fed beef, pasture-raised eggs—this is the stuff that builds muscle, fuels recovery, and keeps you from turning into a shaky, hangry mess when stress hits.
• Eat like your ancestors. If a caveman wouldn’t recognize it as food, it’s probably not doing you any favors.

And for the love of all things primal, hydrate. You’d be amazed how many people walk around all day like dehydrated houseplants, wondering why they feel like garbage.

2. Train Your Cup: Physical Resilience Builds Mental Resilience

You ever notice that people who train hard don’t crumble the first time life throws a challenge their way? That’s because the stress of physical training prepares you for the stress of life.

You don’t have to be an elite athlete, but you do need to move. Your body was not designed to sit in a chair all day, hunched over a screen like a factory-farmed chicken.

• Lift something heavy. Your body craves muscle-building, load-bearing movement. Plus, strong people just handle life better.
• Sprint once in a while. Not saying you gotta start racing Usain Bolt, but move fast. It’s a primal instinct.
• Walk like it’s your job. 10,000 steps a day isn’t a magic number, but getting outside, moving, and breathing fresh air? That’s non-negotiable.

Physical training is about more than just looking good naked (although, let’s be honest, that’s a great side effect). It builds the kind of resilience that keeps you from falling apart when things get tough.

3. Mind Your Cup: What You Consume Mentally and Emotionally

You know what’s worse than eating garbage? Consuming garbage thoughts, news, and negativity every single day.

Most people don’t even realize they’re filling their mental cup with fear, stress, and negativity 24/7. They wake up, check the news, scroll through social media, and wonder why they’re anxious before they’ve even had breakfast.

Listen, I get it—life isn’t always sunshine and grass-fed butter. But if all you consume is fear, division, and stress, guess what you’re gonna spill out when pressure hits?

• Curate your inputs. You wouldn’t eat junk food all day, so why are you feeding your brain junk content? Unfollow accounts that make you miserable. Turn off the 24-hour doom loop that calls itself "news."
• Read things that make you better. Books, articles, and podcasts that teach you something? That’s the mental equivalent of eating a steak instead of a Twinkie.
• Control your stress. Meditation, breathwork, gratitude journaling—call it what you want, but you need to train your mind like you train your body. Otherwise, you’re just waiting to explode the next time someone cuts you off in traffic.

4. Fill Your Cup with the Right People

You ever hear that saying, you’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with? Well, it’s true. If your circle is filled with people who whine, complain, and make excuses, you’re gonna absorb that energy whether you realize it or not.

Surround yourself with people who push you to be better. People who challenge you, encourage you, and call you out when you’re slipping.

And if your current group consists of energy vampires who drain you dry? Time for some social intermittent fasting.

• Find a mentor. Someone who’s been where you want to go and isn’t afraid to tell you the truth.
• Be the person you want to attract. You want to be around winners? Start acting like one.
• Set boundaries. Protect your energy like it’s your last piece of grass-fed ribeye.

5. Spill the Good Stuff

At the end of the day, it’s not about never getting knocked down. You’re going to get bumped, shoved, and occasionally body-slammed by life. The question is—when that happens, what spills out of you?

• If you’ve been filling yourself with processed food, negative thoughts, and a sedentary lifestyle, you’re gonna spill frustration, exhaustion, and excuses.
• But if you’ve been filling yourself with real food, physical training, mental discipline, and the right people? You’re gonna spill strength, resilience, and calm under pressure.

That’s the difference between people who crumble when life gets hard and people who thrive in the face of adversity.

So, what’s in your cup? Because whatever it is, you’re gonna spill it. Might as well make it something worth sharing.

To your success,

Coach Joe

Joseph Arangio helps 40+ men and women get leaner, stronger, and happier. He's delivered over 100,000 transformation programs to satisfied clients around the globe. If you want to lose weight from home, with the best online age-management personal trainer, or you want to visit the best longevity personal trainer in the Lehigh Valley, you can take a free 14-day trial.