The other day, I posed a question asking folks, over 40 years, what their biggest barriers are to hitting their goals.

And a number of people gave a similar answer:

• "Me."
• "Me, myself and I."
• "I am my biggest barrier."

I know that many of you reading this lesson right now might be thinking along similar lines.

Perhaps you feel that you are your own problem. And I understand that.

In many ways, you are the one responsible for either making the change or not making the change. You are responsible for your successes or failures.

Extreme ownership right?

But if you believe that you are your own worst enemy, and that you are the reason that you can’t get where you want to go, then there’s not much room for you to recognize what your best solution really is.

You are your best solution.

Problem is, you can’t play that role if you are too busy kicking yourself for all that you haven't done. You can’t celebrate your wins when you’re so busy beating yourself down for your past mistakes.

Neil deGrasse Tyson, astrophysicist and author, was asked "what advice would you give the younger you?" Here is his response:

There's no time I would go back and say, "Do this differently." Experiencing mistakes has been devalued in our culture. They want people to make the right decisions at all times. Well, there's a saying in research science: If you're not making mistakes, then you're not on the frontier of discovery. I'm the sum of the correct decisions I've made and the incorrect decisions I've made; each one of those shapes the wisdom that I carry today.

Can you actually believe that you are capable of achieving certain things while you’re so busy believing that you are your biggest problem? I’m not sure that you can play yourself both ways.

Take out a piece of paper right now. I’ll wait. Write down five positive traits that you believe to be true about yourself.

Can you do that? Can your write down five things?

You’re creative, you’re funny, you’re caring, you’re sensitive, you’re remarkably good at pickleball, even though no one ever taught you (it comes in handy sometimes).

Much like the idea of a gratitude journal, you have to actively look for and acknowledge the positive traits you have.You need to take a few minutes to do that.

Because until you do, you are going to keep filling yourself with the negative self-talk that creates the very barriers you’re trying to overcome.

If you want to make changes this year, then you need to stop the self-limiting beliefs about yourself. Stop rewinding the tape and playing your past mistakes on repeat.

You are who you are today because of your cumulative life experience.

How to Show Up for Yourself

You have to start showing up for yourself the way you show up for your friends, kids, grand kids, or other loved ones. You really do.

If you want to help others, take care of yourself first. It's about the most unselfish thing you can do.

One more thing I was thinking about. You must be in touch with your numbers.

Things like calories, macronutrients, training frequency, volume, hours of quality sleep.

It's simple yet powerful math.

Why? Because all progress starts with the truth.

I know far too many people who "go to the gym" for years, but are flying blind.

Their efforts fail to produce measurable results. They step on the bathroom scale and get frustrated because they're unhappy with the reality that they're overweight or obese.

On the outside it's all smiles and high-fives, while on the inside they are feeling embarrassed, maybe even hopeless.

Look, if you want to be truly happy, if you want excellent health, you need to be in touch with your numbers.

I say this to my clients over and over: Keeping the "scoreboard" tells you what you need to do.

It tells you what problems need to be solved and that's a very empowering thing to know.

One of the greatest days of my personal and professional life was when I hired my coach.

He taught me the best-practice methods to organize my day. To prioritize the essentials. To say "no" to the distractions.

Having a professional coach on your team gives you the confidence to make decisions faster.

Asking family or friends for their subjective "opinion" on matters of training, nutrition, and recovery is nice, but not enough. And what does your neighbor really know about fat-loss nutrition anyway? 

You need to invest in objective coaching, right now, so you can save years of frustration using the trial-and-error approach.

Why let your youth pass you by trying to go about it alone?

You need a world-class expert, with 25+ years of experience, to teach you the key numbers you must track in order to get the body and life you deserve. An experienced coach can help you win the long game.

What's In Your Cup?

In challenging times you must be extra careful not to lose your joy.

Answer these questions:

• Do you lose your temper quickly? Or do you catch yourself singing or whistling happy tunes spontaneously?
• Do you complain often that life has been unfair? Or you encourage the efforts of others with enthusiasm and generosity?

Whatever is inside you will eventually spill over. You can’t get way from it and you can’t avoid it.

You can try to ignore it, but it will find a way to reveal itself to the world whether you like it or not.

So let me ask you a few more questions:

• What are you filling yourself up with?
• What are you spending your time reading?
• What sort of friends are you hanging out with?
• When everything’s quiet and there’s only you and your thoughts, what are you meditating on?
• Are you filling yourself up with joy and allowing it to spill over to those around you? Or are you filling yourself up with negativity and letting that overflow?
• Are you filling yourself up with love? Or hate? Compassion? Indifference? Enthusiasm? Hope?

Let me repeat, whatever you fill yourself up with will eventually overflow.

It will impact the people around you and influence people’s perspective of you.

And if you get it right, what you fill yourself up with will give you the capacity to make a significant difference in the world.

To your success,

Coach Joe

Joseph Arangio helps 40+ men and women get leaner, stronger, and happier. He's delivered over 100,000 transformation programs to satisfied clients around the globe. If you want to lose weight from home, with the best online age-management personal trainer, or you want to visit the best longevity personal trainer in the Lehigh Valley, you can take a free 14-day trial.